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by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

Ephesians 6:4
And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

A doctor, on his way to visit a new baby in the hospital, found a small piece of paper on the floor. On the crumpled sheet a new father had scribbled: John Peter Jones...John P. Jones...Governor John Jones...Pastor John Jones...President John P. Jones...J. P. Jones all the way.

This young fellow may be fortunate to have a father with vision, ambition and a healthy degree of flexibility. However, he also may have some problems if these same expectations become unreasonable demands.

Parental expectations have a great effect on developing your child's self-esteem. The God-given influence you have over your children's formative years is crucial to your child's view of him- or herself. In her book Your Child's Self-Esteem, Dorothy Corkille Briggs writes, "Children rarely question our expectations; instead they question their personal inadequacy to achieve those expectations."

Today, many Christians carry excess and unnecessary baggage in their walks with Christ due to poor self-esteem developed while they were children. As parents, it is imperative that we raise our children to know Christ and to have healthy, balanced perspectives of who they are: sinful, but also highly valued and loved by God.

I will never forget one of my first counseling appointments when we started this ministry to families. A mom sat in my office and told the story of her 11-year-old son's relationship with his dad.

The father constantly criticized the boy: "You dummy-you left the door open!" "Look at these grades-that's pitiful!" "You struck out at the game-I can't believe you did that!" "Look at your room, it's a mess and so are you!"

That boy is a man today. And I wouldn't be surprised if, each day, he hears a loud inner voice of self-doubt. His own father, in his zeal to make his son a success, programmed him for failure instead.

Prayer:

That God's acceptance of you will cause you to be so secure that you willingly extend acceptance and realistic expectations to your children.

Discuss: Talk with your spouse about your expectations for yourself and your children. Are they realistic?

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