Hardwired for Connection

by Skip Heitzig | April 19, 2024

It's obvious that God doesn't want any of us to do life alone, to be detached, disconnected, isolated. That's not God's design, nor His intention. On one hand, we are independent beings. We make independent choices and we're independently responsible for them. But we are also interdependent beings, designed by God to fully thrive only when we're connected to other people in meaningful ways. We're hardwired for connection.

In Genesis 2, God declared, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him" (v. 18). That's not just true biblically. Scientists have found that healthy relationships make for healthier, happier people who live longer lives. Connected people have stronger immune systems. They are less likely to suffer depression, anxiety, or other types of mental illness. Connection helps lower stress.

You need other people. Solomon wrote, "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). Life—and in particular the Christian life—is a team endeavor. And serving the Lord is never an individual effort. It's always a team effort.

Let me ask you something: How many people at church do you know by name? If you serve or volunteer or maybe you're in a Bible study or other small group, you probably know a lot. If you attend a service weekly, you likely know some people by name but probably fewer than those who are more engaged. And if you attend just sporadically, you know still fewer.

Proverbs 18:24 says, "A man who has friends must himself be friendly." That means instead of saying, "Nobody pays attention to me," take the initiative and be friendly to others. Instead of expecting attention, give attention to others. Somebody has to make the first move, so choose to be friendly. Paul wrote, "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others" (Philippians 2:3-4).

Proverbs 27 presents a contrast along with a warning. "Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful" (vv. 5-6). You see an enemy will butter you up—and then stab you in the back. A true friend is always honest with you and tells you what you need to hear.

A true friend is also faithful. God esteems the quality of faithfulness so highly that, like the lord who entrusted talents to his servants while he was away, Jesus will one day say of those who faithfully serve, "Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things" (Matthew 25:21).

Faithfulness is not doing the right thing once; it's doing the right thing over and over and over again. It's consistency. To be a faithful friend to someone, be consistent with them. In any meaningful relationship, faithfulness is a prerequisite. Once faithfulness has been broken, it's awfully difficult to repair that relationship. A faithful person is obviously needed in marriage, but it's also needed at work. And it's needed in a friendship.

As Christians, Jesus Christ holds the supreme position in our lives. Because of this, you'll want to find other people who share your faith and do life with them. You're hardwired for connecting with others and especially with fellow believers. So be a friend. And be faithful.

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