WEEK FOUR – Till Death Do Us Part
Do You Want Me?
by Park York
I rise early on this Friday, as I do every day, to prepare coffee and mix a protein shake. The television news plays quietly in the corner. Flossie, my wife, is still asleep.
Sometime after eight, she begins floating out of slumber. I bring the shake to her bedside, put the straw in her mouth, and give her cheek a little pat as she begins to drink. Slowly the liquid recedes.
I sit there holding the glass, thinking about the past eight years. At first, she asked only an occasional incoherent or irrelevant question; otherwise she was normal. I tried for two years to find out what was wrong. She grew agitated, restless, defensive; she was constantly tired and unable to hold a conversation.
At last, a neurologist diagnosed Alzheimer’s disease. He said he wasn’t sure—a firm diagnosis could come only from examining brain tissue after death. There is no known cause for this malady. And no known cure.
I enrolled Flossie in a day care center for adults. But she kept wandering off the property. We medicated her to keep her calm. Perhaps from receiving too much of one drug, she suffered a violent seizure that left her immeasurably worse: lethargic, incontinent, and unable to speak clearly or care for herself. My anguish gradually became resignation. I gave up all plans of retirement travel, recreation, visits to see grandchildren—the golden era older people dream about.
The years have passed, and my days have become routine, demanding, lonely, seemingly without accomplishment to measure. Flossie has gradually dropped in strength and weight, from 125 pounds to 86. I take some time to work with a support group and to attend church, but the daily needs keep me feeding, bathing, diapering, changing beds, cleaning house, fixing meals, dressing and undressing her, and doing whatever else a nurse and homemaker does, morning to night.
Occasionally, a word bubbles up from the muddled processes of Flossie’s diseased brain. Sometimes relevant, sometimes the name of a family member, or the name of an object. Just a single word.
On this Friday morning, after she finishes her shake, I give her some apple juice, then massage her arms and caress her forehead and cheeks. Most of the time her eyes are closed, but today she looks up at me, and suddenly her mouth forms four words in a row.
“Do you want me?” Perfect enunciation, softly spoken. I want to jump for joy. “Of course I want you, Flossie!” I say, hugging and kissing her. And so, after months of total silence, she has put together the most sincere question a human being can ask. She speaks, in a way, for people everywhere: those shackled by sin, addiction, hunger, thirst, mental illness, physical pain—frightened, enervated people afraid of the answer, but desperate enough to frame the question anyway.
And, Flossie, I can answer you even more specifically. It may be difficult for you to understand what’s happening. That’s why I’m here, to minister God’s love to you, to bring you wholeness, comfort, and release. Mine are the hands God uses to do His work, just as He uses others’ hands in other places. In spite of our shortcomings, we strive to make people free, well, and happy, blessing them with hope for the future while bringing protein shakes every morning.
LOOKING AHEAD . . .
Unlike so many people today, Proverbs 20:6 As her mind and body deteriorated with no hope for a cure, he willingly abandoned the hopes and dreams he had worked to achieve. She needed him desperately, and he would be there for her, even though she could give nothing back—not even a rational “thank you.” This, in all its magnificence— and sorrow—is the meaning of love.
No doubt you have dreams of your own for the rest of your married life. Just remember that God may have other plans that depend on your unswerving commitment to each other—no matter what.
- James C Dobson
• “Do You Want Me?” by Park York. Taken from the June 1989 issue of the Christian Herald. Reprinted by permission of the Christian Herald.
Listen to today's broadcast of Dr. James Dobson's Family Talk at OnePlace.com. For more from Dr. Dobson, visit the resource center at drjamesdobson.org.
This devotional is taken from Night Light for Couples. Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved. Used with permission.
10/13/2019
Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find? (Prov. 20:6). This gentleman who so gently cared for his wife clearly understood the meaning of commitment.
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What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes (James 4:14). Time is an embezzler, juggling the books at night when no one is looking. So remember to use each day for the Lord as though it could be your last.
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Faith is being sure of what we hope for (Heb. 11:1). Hope based on the realistic expectation that something can or will change is a powerful, positive, driving force.
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If you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! (1 Cor. 10:12). Build a record of choices and deeds that proves to your partner you can be trusted at all times.
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And a husband must not divorce his wife (1 Cor. 7:11). The distress young children experience after a divorce remains with them throughout their lives.
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When faced with the breakup of her parents’ marriage, a hurting teenager used the following word picture in this letter to her father.
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Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share (1 Tim. 6:18). We are most like Christ when we show compassion and generosity to others.
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Even though you know you're guilty, you can't get the words out of your mouth.
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In The Undeniable Differences Between Husbands and Wives, Dr. James Dobson talks about how men and women differ, how they complement each other, and how understanding these truths is key to enjoying a successful, intimate, long lasting marriage.
